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I’m reading an excellent book called ‘The Me I Want To Be’ by John Ortberg and in it he says:
“A tree’s job is not to try to bear fruit; the tree’s job is to abide near the river”.
What a great lesson. It’s not our job to try to be better people, our only job is to stay close to God and He will help us to be better people!
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Doing things excellently means doing things to the best of your ability – that’s not someone else’s ability, but your ability. Being excellent means that you’ve put everything you have into a certain task, that you’ve tried your very best, that you’ve taken all the knowledge you have , the skills and talents that you have, put in your experience and personality and you have done the very best that you are capable of doing. Anyone can and should be proud of that.
The beauty of the situation is that each one of us is capable of doing something that no-one else is capable of doing! We are capable of producing results that nobody else on the planet can produce. So when we give our best and try our best and put our ‘all’ into it, we produce something that is completely unique and will not only bless us in the doing but bless others in the giving.
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One of the most poisonous issues in any relationship is the intense need to be vindicated in our thinking that we’re right and the other person is wrong. In my experience and opinion, this is an issue that can rip any relationship completely apart.
I’d like to propose another viewpoint to you. How about looking at it from the point of view of
‘it’s not a matter of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but rather of ‘my insight can help you and your insight can help me’.
When my husband and I argue about an issue, things can get pretty heated. We are both passionate about our own point of view (as are we all). Oftentimes in the past, I would dig my heels in and stubbornly refuse to even entertain his viewpoint and he would just repeat what he’d said over and over and over in the hopes that repetition would make me agree.
We then realised that this was getting us nowhere – fast. So now, when I start feeling myself getting angry when we are discussing something, I recognise the feeling and switch my attention to really listening to what he has to say instead of just steadfastly trying to defend my own standpoint. I then ask him to clarify the points that don’t sit right with me and we discuss the issue from different angles so that we both fully understand what we’re bringing to the discussion.
We have both found that this process clarifies the point we’re trying to make in our own minds, helps us to see the other person’s point of view and brings new information into the equation which gives us a more complete picture to discuss. We often both end up with new insight into and understanding about the topic we are discussing because it is no longer about ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but about each bringing a valid viewpoint to the table which can enrich the outcome for both. This doesn’t mean that we always end up agreeing with the other viewpoint, but we do have an insight into their viewpoint and more information with which to inform our own viewpoint.
The most important thing is the fact that we don’t end up trying to destroy the other person in our own efforts to be proved right.
So you see, it doesn’t have to be a matter of being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Going through this process just means being presented with a golden opportunity to build someone else up by allowing their insight to help you and your insight to help them.
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Is your faith a RISK, or a RELIEF?
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As we allow our character to be developed, we are being moulded into the type of person who can have faith regardless of what the circumstances look like, can keep on confessing the Truth no matter how long it takes.
This is Henry.
He is a vacuum cleaner.
I was vigorously vacuuming one day and, as I went around a corner, I realised that the pipe was stuck and I couldn’t pull it any further. So I went back to look at what the problem was and saw that I had pulled Henry right off his wheels.
As I looked down on him, I was struck by the fact that even though he was on his back, he was still smiling. In fact, whatever position Henry is in, he still smiles.
That really ‘clicked’ with me and I smiled, realising that I can be that way as well. No matter what life brings, I can choose to smile too…and so can you.
Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
It’s funny that we then reflect on the situation once we’ve climbed down off the emotional high and sometimes have to laugh at ourselves and our OTT (over the top) reactions. It’s not so funny when you’re in the middle of the reaction though, is it!
But, it is precisely this process of reflection, as well as the willingness to learn, that will help us to grow and develop healthy new character traits. After all, we can’t keep going round and round the same bush and expect to ever get anywhere useful. So, let’s take a look at the situation when the emotional heat has cooled down and learn the lessons that need to be learned.
Ask yourself these questions:
Determine to recognize when that fear rears its ugly head again and try to remember the lesson learned. Slowly but surely, your reactions to that stimuli will change and soon you will not react from that fear ever again!
Now you will be mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
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Say someone cuts me off in traffic and I get so angry that I want to get out and beat them up. They’re making me late and I’ll miss my important meeting, they almost scratched my car and I can’t afford the insurance, it’s hot and I’m already agitated!!!
We have:
When the issue is looked at through the lens of emotion and fear of consequence, it appears to be a mountain, when in fact it is but a molehill. So, look at the issue…getting cut off in traffic. When looked at without fear of consequence and emotion, it is merely that the driver of one car maneuvered their vehicle into the path of another car causing the driver of the second car to take a forced action. Plain and simple.
Put the fear of consequence in the mix (late for meeting, increased insurance) then add an emotional reaction which fuels the fire… and soon you have a blazing inferno.
Part 3…
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“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” (Napoleon Hill). http://www.naphill.org/
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” (James 1:2-4 – The Message Bible)
Whenever you are faced with a situation which looks like adversity, take a minute to stop and look at it free from emotional turmoil.
Put the issue ‘on the table’. Detach emotion. Detach fear of consequence. Just look at it for what it really is.
Get a clear understanding of the issue and some thoughts on why this looks like adversity for you (after all, a spider is fearful to one and beautiful to another).
Think about what character trait/s you would need to have in order to become mature, well developed and not deficient in any way. Ask for wisdom and receive it.
Part 2 to follow…
For the longest time I struggled against wherever I found myself. I was always looking to improve the situations, mindsets and outlooks of my life. It caused me to feel permanently ‘driven’ - and I was tired.
These days, I’m learning to accept where I currently am and accept myself as I currently am. God promises that He has a beautifully divine plan for my life an that each day was written in His book, before I was even formed. So, if I truly believe what He says, then He knows where I am today. He knows what I’m like, today. He knows what’s going on… today.
Honestly, all I need to do is desire His will, hold on to His hand and rely on Him to lead me along my path!
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Whenever I can feel myself getting frustrated or feeling driven, I ask the Holy Spirit to nudge me and help me to get off the treadmill. He helps me to refocus my eyes on Jesus and stop trying to do things in my own strength and according to my own understanding.
So, take a deep breath, (OK, maybe a couple), and re-align yourself with God and walk in the ‘peace that surpasses all understanding’ and know that your steps are ordered and everything is working out just as it should.
