Right or Wrong?

Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

One of the most poisonous issues in any relationship is the intense need to be vindicated in our thinking that we’re right and the other person is wrong. In my experience and opinion, this is an issue that can rip any relationship completely apart.

I’d like to propose another viewpoint to you. How about looking at it from the point of view of

‘it’s not a matter of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but rather of ‘my insight can help you and your insight can help me’.

When my husband and I argue about an issue, things can get pretty heated. We are both passionate about our own point of view (as are we all). Oftentimes in the past, I would dig my heels in and stubbornly refuse to even entertain his viewpoint and he would just repeat what he’d said over and over and over in the hopes that repetition would make me agree.

We then realised that this was getting us nowhere – fast. So now, when I start feeling myself getting angry when we are discussing something, I recognise the feeling and switch my attention to really listening to what he has to say instead of just steadfastly trying to defend my own standpoint. I then ask him to clarify the points that don’t sit right with me and we discuss the issue from different angles so that we both fully understand what we’re bringing to the discussion.

We have both found that this process clarifies the point we’re trying to make in our own minds, helps us to see the other person’s point of view and brings new information into the equation which gives us a more complete picture to discuss. We often both end up with new insight into and understanding about the topic we are discussing because it is no longer about ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but about each bringing a valid viewpoint to the table which can enrich the outcome for both. This doesn’t mean that we always end up agreeing with the other viewpoint, but we do have an insight into their viewpoint and more information with which to inform our own viewpoint.

The most important thing is the fact that we don’t end up trying to destroy the other person in our own efforts to be proved right.

So you see, it doesn’t have to be a matter of being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Going through this process just means being presented with a golden opportunity to build someone else up by allowing their insight to help you and your insight to help them.

Two Become One

I was at the wedding of two dear friends of mine yesterday and , as always happens  to me at such events, I was struck by the wonder of relationship.

In the Old Testament God was always being disappointed by His best friends – Man.  It went on for ages with God being upset by Man some days and being pleased  with  Him (and then only some of them) on other days. He eventually decided that  He’d  had enough and so, instead of getting upset & disappointed all the time, He  decided  to show and pour love, grace and mercy into this relationship.

The result is that we now have a blueprint for success. When we pour  love, grace  and mercy into our relationships, we too will see them change from  disappointing to  wonderful.

Signal Blocker

Cecelia / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We were returning from a trip to London the other day and had the radio on as we drove. Reception was good and we were singing along to the tunes that were playing.

We came to a tunnel and as we entered it, the radio signal got weaker and weaker until eventually all we could hear was static. As we began to emerge out of the other side of the tunnel, the signal got progressively stronger until we had full sound again. 

It’s very much like this with God.

He is ALWAYS transmitting. He never stops talking to us and sending us signals. When we are living our lives attached to Him, listening to Him and doing as He says, we can receive the signal loud and clear. When, however, we have allowed blockages to come between God and us (unforgiveness, strife, greed, self will etc) we block off the signal as effectively as the tunnel stopped the radio signal.

When you see strife cropping up in your life (frustration, fear, anxiety, bitterness, self-pity), stop and make a conscious decision to ask God what to do about the situation. Ask Him to heal you and to remove the signal blocker. Then you will begin to come out of the other end of the tunnel and be able to hear His voice clearly again.

Truth Cannot Be Denied

graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Every single one of us, no matter how calloused we may appear on the outside, have a deep seated need to be loved.

Every single one of us, no matter how much we try to deny it, have an ever present need to experience love.

It makes no difference how much life may have beaten you down, how much you have been hurt or how high your protective walls are, there is a piece within each one of us that rejoices when we see love demonstrated. Whether it be the crowd’s euphoria when their team wins, a bursting feeling of pride when your child gets his line right in the school play or experiencing poignant sympathy for a war widow, we are deeply and intrinsically connected to love and that Truth cannot be denied.

Love NEVER fails!

Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

LOVE NEVER FAILS!

No matter what the situation. No matter who. No matter why.

If you apply love to anything, it will ALWAYS succeed in bringing resolution. Guaranteed!

Are your relationships healthy?

I took this picture as I was walking through the park because I thought it epitomised the different types of relationships that we have in our lives.

The relationship is called a symbiotic relationship and there are 3 types – Mutualistic, Commensal or Parasitic.

Mutualism is a biological interaction between two organisms, where each individual derives a fitness benefit (i.e. increased survivorship).

Commensalism describes a relationship between two living organisms where one benefits and the other is not significantly harmed or helped.

A parasitic relationship is one in which one member of the association benefits while the other is harmed

Have a close look at each relationship in your life and see which category it falls in to. 

If it’s mutualistic then you know that it is a healthy, flourishing and mutually beneficial relationship.

If it’s commensual then look at what benefit you may be giving to or getting from another. See that the party that is giving is aware of the blessing they are being to the receiver. This type of relationship is good for a specific period of time so that the receiver is able to gain strength from the giver until they’re again able to make the relationship of mutual benefit.

If it’s a parasitic relationship, then you need to look very carefully at one of two options to redress the balance. Either it is commensual for a while and then mutual, or you need to end the relationship because harm is being caused to both the giver and the receiver.

Action Point

So, how do your relationships look? Make a point of keeping them, and thus yourself, healthy.

All references from www.wikipedia.org

Powerful creation from Faith – Part 3

Action Points cont’d…

Decide

So now you get to decide which of the beliefs you woudl like to keep and which you would like to change. As far as I’m concerned the only way to get rid of the darkness is to shine light on it, which leaves it no place to go but out. In my case, the Truth I know is the Truth of the Bible.

So I take the belief that I no longer want to manifest in my life and find the real Truth about it. I then merely substitute the lie for the Truth – it’s that simple. So where you may have previously believed that your worth comes only from the amount and quality of work you do, you can now substitute it with the Truth that says you are of tremendous worth just because God loves you. Whereas you may previously have believed that you could live life as you pleased, you can now understand that what you sow you WILL reap and therefore it would be wise to concentrate on what you sow.

Visualise

The next step is to visualise yourself living according to your new beliefs. See yourself truly happy, with a deeply contented smile on your face and peace in your heart. See yourself deal with problems in a calm and rational way and coming up with the best solution for all involved. Picture your relationships flourishing – with your spouse, your family, friends, work colleagues and strangers.

Voila!

This is the most freeing technique I know. It makes you consciously aware of what belief mechanisms are operating in your life and gives you the means to be able to eradicate those you no longer wish to live by and substitute them for the Truth you do wish to see manifest in your life. Imagine living the kind of life you truly desire and as you replace the old erroneous beliefs and substitute them for the Truth, you will see this life become your reality.

Powerful creation from Faith – Part 2

Action Points

Now that you’re aware of this equation you can begin to look out for the signs that indicate which route your life is taking.

Observe

Start to observe your behaviour in a variety of situations throughout the day. When do you get angry? What happens that makes you sad? What triggers self pity? When do you feel ‘down’ and when do you feel ‘up’?  When you notice your response to a certain stimulus, make a note of it on a piece of paper. On the left hand side make a note of all the feelings and reactions you no longer want to experience and on the right hand side make a note of those feelings or situations that are pleasant and that you’d like to continue to experience. Do this for about a week.

At the end of that week you will have a comprehenisve list of what your daily highs and lows are and will be able to see the general direction in which your life is travelling.

List

Next, look at what is in the left hand column and think about why you react that way when a particular stimulus is applied. So for instance – why are you so hurt when no-one compliments you on that new dress? What triggers you getting so angry when you’re cut off in traffic? How come you’re afraid when you think of the ‘past due’ elecrticity bill? Similarly, why does watching the sunrise fill you with peace? What is it that makes your heart swell with pride when you’re complimented? What is it that enables you and your spouse to never go to bed angry with each other?

When you’ve looked deep enough and found the root of each of these reactions to stimuli, you will have found the REAL belief behind the manifested reality. This where you will be able to see that your deep seated belief that you don’t have what it takes to be successful, keeps you poor; that your innate belief in the goodness of love, keeps your relationships strong and that your utter conviction that people who are taken advantage of will never succeed keeps you fighting.

…See you tomorrow for Part 3

Powerful creation from faith – Part 1

 

Federico Stevanin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What is faith?

It has often been said that fear is the opposite of faith, but I’d like to offer a different explanation.

Faith is actually TOTAL belief in something – be it a religion, a person or a way of doing something - it is TOTAL. Faith is completely intertwined with, and fuelled by, emotion which is the rocket fuel that gives faith its power.

What route will your faith take?

So, if our belief is the basis of our reality; faith gives us the ability to totally believe the belief, and emotion gives the equation the rocket fuel needed in order to manifest the belief into reality. You see, what we believe and have total faith in, is the basic substance from which we create our manifested version of reality.

What is it then that gives this whole equation its direction? 

There are two roots that determine the route that a belief will take. The one root is fear of the hurt of what we percieve as bad and the other root is the hopeful expectation of what we perceive as good. It is one of these two roots that determine which route our belief system will take and thus, what will manifest in our reality.

…See you tomorrow for Part 2

The way you make me feel

As I’ve observed relationships in not only my own life, but in the lives of those around me, I have noticed a fundamental truth in all of them.

Why is it that we’ll see a gorgeous woman, happily married to a plain man? How come some girls have more guy friends than girl friends? Why do we feel so ecstatically good when we’re in love and so suicidal when we’re not?

Whatever your view, there is one thing about which we all agree – we all need love!

Every single person needs to be loved and to show love in return; it’s a need that is interwoven into the fabric of our being.

So, it doesn’t seem to all hinge on physical looks. Neither does it seem like it’s all about money, social status or power. So, if staying in love is really not about looks, money, social status or power – contrary to everything we see in the media – then what IS it all about?

Well, you know what it feels like when you come home and your dog greets you at the door. It’s an amazing reaction - like they haven’t seen you in a  month. What about when you’re just falling in love and she looks at you across a crowded room. Or the look in the eyes of your teenager when you’ve stayed up with them until the small hours talking about their relationship break up. And the deep gratitude you feel when someone helps you up when you fall – and they don’t laugh like everyone else.

All of these scenarios have one thing in common – the people felt safe in the space of one another. They knew that the most precious possession they have – their heart – was safe.

Think about that for a moment.

Think about the relationships that you love and how you feel when you’re in that person’s space. Are you able to tell them anything? Can you trust them to keep your secrets? Will they stay up with you when you’re feeling sick and will they not only take your call but really listen to you when you ring at 3 o’ clock in the morning? With them, your heart is safe.

When you’re with people who purposefully belittle and make fun of you; when someone talks about you behind your back or when it feels like they can’t be bothered to hug you when you’re feeling down – you know your heart isn’t safe with them.

Our hearts are amazingly perceptive when it comes to this issue. Have you ever felt like you’ve known someone for years and you’ve only just met. Or what about the really funny feeling you get when the hair on the back of your neck stands up when you meet someone and you just know there’s something not right. That’s when we say someone is charming or creepy, friendly or antagonistic. You just ‘feel’ it.

So, the key is to look at and ask how people perceive you. Ask your friends as well as those who don’t seem to like or get on with you. “How do I make you feel when you’re with me and talking to me? Does it seem like you can trust me? Does it feel like I care about you and what matters to you? “

Everywhere you identify that you don’t make someone feel safe, look at what you feel about that person. What are the issues that come up in your heart when you think about them? How do you feel when you’re around them?

Look at what is going on inside of you when you interact with them.This exercise will provide you with wonderful insights into how you can find healing for the issues which you carry. When they’re brought to light and you’ve worked through those issues, you will find that you can now look at people through the eyes of a healed and safe heart. One of the fundamentals of this exercise is to get to the place where your OWN heart is safe, so that you can now be a safe place for other people’s hearts.

When this happens, your relationships will be sweet and wonderful. You’ll be able to see things from other people’s perspective and love them to a place of wholeness.

Then when someone looks at you and asks the question “Is my herart safe with you?” You will be able to answer with a resounding “YES!”