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I’m reading an excellent book called ‘The Me I Want To Be’ by John Ortberg and in it he says:
“A tree’s job is not to try to bear fruit; the tree’s job is to abide near the river”.
What a great lesson. It’s not our job to try to be better people, our only job is to stay close to God and He will help us to be better people!
Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Repetition – it’s one of the keys to a transformed life.
When you are potty training a toddler you are essentially engaging in the art of transformation of the mind. You’re trying to re-programme a set behaviour by physically changing an action that will produce a new way of thinking and behaving.
You can’t show the toddler once and expect them to get the new behaviour straight away. They need to be lovingly shown over and over again, with positive reinforcement, until one day it will just ‘click’ and the new behaviour will be established.
So it is with your own transformational journey. Ever noticed how the same irritating situation will happen repeatedly? That’s your wake-up call. If you don’t like the way that repeating situation turns out, then decide that you’re going to do something to change the outcome.
Firstly, you have to be open to acknowledging that your current behaviour is not producing the best results that can be achieved and also open to being shown another way.
You wouldn’t expect a toddler to be able to go to the toilet unless you show them how to do it and repeat that demonstration time and time again until it sinks in. Similarly, we are very rarely able to change our thoughts or behaviours on the first reading or learning of some new material.
So, if you find that there is a behaviour or action that you are constantly repeating in your life and you want to change it, repetition of the new desired thinking pattern is the key. The more it is repeated the more it will erode the old thinking patterns and create new ones along the lines of the repeatedly impressed Truth.
Keep yourself topped up with good sources of information that conform to where you want your life to go. The more you put this kind of information into your mind, the sooner the results of the transformation process will be evident.
Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
One of the most poisonous issues in any relationship is the intense need to be vindicated in our thinking that we’re right and the other person is wrong. In my experience and opinion, this is an issue that can rip any relationship completely apart.
I’d like to propose another viewpoint to you. How about looking at it from the point of view of
‘it’s not a matter of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but rather of ‘my insight can help you and your insight can help me’.
When my husband and I argue about an issue, things can get pretty heated. We are both passionate about our own point of view (as are we all). Oftentimes in the past, I would dig my heels in and stubbornly refuse to even entertain his viewpoint and he would just repeat what he’d said over and over and over in the hopes that repetition would make me agree.
We then realised that this was getting us nowhere – fast. So now, when I start feeling myself getting angry when we are discussing something, I recognise the feeling and switch my attention to really listening to what he has to say instead of just steadfastly trying to defend my own standpoint. I then ask him to clarify the points that don’t sit right with me and we discuss the issue from different angles so that we both fully understand what we’re bringing to the discussion.
We have both found that this process clarifies the point we’re trying to make in our own minds, helps us to see the other person’s point of view and brings new information into the equation which gives us a more complete picture to discuss. We often both end up with new insight into and understanding about the topic we are discussing because it is no longer about ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but about each bringing a valid viewpoint to the table which can enrich the outcome for both. This doesn’t mean that we always end up agreeing with the other viewpoint, but we do have an insight into their viewpoint and more information with which to inform our own viewpoint.
The most important thing is the fact that we don’t end up trying to destroy the other person in our own efforts to be proved right.
So you see, it doesn’t have to be a matter of being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Going through this process just means being presented with a golden opportunity to build someone else up by allowing their insight to help you and your insight to help them.
The possibilities are endless…
There is no apparent limit…
Let me tell you a fascinating story about a flea in a jam jar.
Fleas can jump up to 13 inches, which is approximately 200 times the length of their own bodies. This is the equivalent of a six-foot man jumping 900ft! One day, a flea was captured and put in a jam jar onto which the lid was firmly screwed on. Holes were pierced so that the flea could breathe, but he could not escape.
The flea, who can jump 200 times the length of his own body, jumped and jumped and jumped, but kept on meeting the lid of the jam jar, which was very much closer than 200 times his body length. After a couple of hours of this, it was observed that the flea was still jumping, but a funny thing had happened – he was jumping to just below the height of the lid of the jar.
The lid was taken off the jar and the fleas behaviour continued to be monitored and an even funnier thing happened. Even though the lid had been removed from the jar, the flea (who could now very easily have jumped right out), continued to only jump to the height of the lid that had previously been there!
A limit had been imposed and he had learned, by meeting resistance, that trying to jump any higher than the lid was futile. He had adjusted his behaviour to the new jumping height, even though the limit had been removed.
Isn’t that fascinating?
Now, look at your own life and determine what your limiting behaviours are. Where have you tried to ‘jump’ and met resistance, pain and failure no matter how hard you’ve tried? In which areas do you know that you’re talented, but you just haven’t seemed to be able to get anywhere?
Sit down and make a list of your dreams. If there were no financial, social or familial restrictions – what would you LOVE to spend every day doing? What contribution could you make to society that would add value to the lives of those you come in contact with?
Then, write out what you think is stopping you from living this life. List all the reasons why you are not currently doing what you dream of. There, now you have clarity about the situation.
You now have a list of your dreams and a list of your dream limiters. Here’s a fundamental Truth that can not only take the lid off your life, but can encourage you to leap straight out of the jam jar -
There are no limits but the ones that you impose on yourself!
Isn’t that the most wonderful truth?!
I’m not going to lie to you – it’s one of life’s journeys actually learning to live that Truth, but just knowing it and the reality of your situation, is an excellent place to start.
So, next time you ‘hit the lid’, remember that the Sky is the Limit – the possibilities are endless! Then you’ll know that you’re on your way to living the life of your dreams!
djcodrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Is your faith a RISK, or a RELIEF?
Arvind Balaraman/ freedigitalphotos.net
As we allow our character to be developed, we are being moulded into the type of person who can have faith regardless of what the circumstances look like, can keep on confessing the Truth no matter how long it takes.
This is Henry.
He is a vacuum cleaner.
I was vigorously vacuuming one day and, as I went around a corner, I realised that the pipe was stuck and I couldn’t pull it any further. So I went back to look at what the problem was and saw that I had pulled Henry right off his wheels.
As I looked down on him, I was struck by the fact that even though he was on his back, he was still smiling. In fact, whatever position Henry is in, he still smiles.
That really ‘clicked’ with me and I smiled, realising that I can be that way as well. No matter what life brings, I can choose to smile too…and so can you.
Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
It’s funny that we then reflect on the situation once we’ve climbed down off the emotional high and sometimes have to laugh at ourselves and our OTT (over the top) reactions. It’s not so funny when you’re in the middle of the reaction though, is it!
But, it is precisely this process of reflection, as well as the willingness to learn, that will help us to grow and develop healthy new character traits. After all, we can’t keep going round and round the same bush and expect to ever get anywhere useful. So, let’s take a look at the situation when the emotional heat has cooled down and learn the lessons that need to be learned.
Ask yourself these questions:
Determine to recognize when that fear rears its ugly head again and try to remember the lesson learned. Slowly but surely, your reactions to that stimuli will change and soon you will not react from that fear ever again!
Now you will be mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Say someone cuts me off in traffic and I get so angry that I want to get out and beat them up. They’re making me late and I’ll miss my important meeting, they almost scratched my car and I can’t afford the insurance, it’s hot and I’m already agitated!!!
We have:
When the issue is looked at through the lens of emotion and fear of consequence, it appears to be a mountain, when in fact it is but a molehill. So, look at the issue…getting cut off in traffic. When looked at without fear of consequence and emotion, it is merely that the driver of one car maneuvered their vehicle into the path of another car causing the driver of the second car to take a forced action. Plain and simple.
Put the fear of consequence in the mix (late for meeting, increased insurance) then add an emotional reaction which fuels the fire… and soon you have a blazing inferno.
Part 3…
Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” (Napoleon Hill). http://www.naphill.org/
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” (James 1:2-4 – The Message Bible)
Whenever you are faced with a situation which looks like adversity, take a minute to stop and look at it free from emotional turmoil.
Put the issue ‘on the table’. Detach emotion. Detach fear of consequence. Just look at it for what it really is.
Get a clear understanding of the issue and some thoughts on why this looks like adversity for you (after all, a spider is fearful to one and beautiful to another).
Think about what character trait/s you would need to have in order to become mature, well developed and not deficient in any way. Ask for wisdom and receive it.
Part 2 to follow…
